Some of this stuff is just too good to pass up . . .

[Xojid]

I don't need to say anything, do I?

The picture's called "Dating in Montana".

[EvLwMn]

I'll have to check this thread from home - work has it filtered out because they're a bunch of anal...................well, you get my drift

Stupid, stupid, stupid

[Xojid]

Yeah, I understand. Back in high school, I knew people that made careers out of trying to get around Cyber Patrol. Those goofy things can't block everything. Well, for more random amusement, I present

THE TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AN INTERNET GEEK

10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.

9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is, "Hi, what's your URL?"

8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.

7. You're amazed to find out Spam is a food.

6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.

5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt contest.

4. You introduce your wife as "my mailto:lady@home.wife" and refer to your children as "client applications."

3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server."

2. After winning the office Super Bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so Colon-Right-Parentheses!"

1. Two words: "Pizza's here."


Of course, maybe this belongs in another thread.

[EvLwMn]

Well - I won't even attempt to get around their filters. I'll just wait until I get home

I can get anything from there

[Xojid]

Good ol' dial-up. Slow as fossilization, but it still works when you need it to. Alrighty, here's another splotch of random insanity intrusion.

Proper Disk Care

Follow all of these instructions carefully for error-free floppies!!

Never leave diskettes in the disk drive, as data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles can be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metallic shavings can be removed with scouring powder and soap. When waxing the diskettes, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" diskettes may be folded and used in "little" disk drives.

Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through the xerox machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert two diskettes into the drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written on both diskettes.

Diskettes should not be inserted or removed from the drive while the red light is flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is "hooking" you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed access to the slot.

If your diskette is full and you need more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for 2 minutes. This will pack the data enough (Data Compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all the openings with scotch tape to prevent loss data.

Access time can be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

Diskettes may be used as coasters for beverage glasses, provided that they are properly waxed beforehand. Be sure to wipe the diskettes dry before using. (see item 2 above)

Never use scissors and glue to manually edit documents. The data is stored much too small for the naked eye, and you may end up with data from some other document stuck in the middle of your document. Razor blades and scotch tape may be used, however, provided the user is equipped with an electron microscope.

Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.

[EvLwMn]

LOL!! Too funny

[Xojid]

Here's some more evil computer fun!

PRANKS TO PULL AT WORK:

Go into MS Word or similar program on co-worker's computer, and add an entry to the AutoCorrect feature. This is a very simple prank that will send the novice user into a frenzy. Configure the AutoCorrect option to replace the word "the" with the phrase "you suck!". They will usually panick and start scanning for viruses.

Take clear tape and tape the underside of the mouse. Make sure you take the sticky end of the tape and apply it to the bottom of the mouse so it locks the ball in place. The victim will most likely check the connections in the back, reinstall drivers, reboot, etc., before they realize what has happened.

Another gem is to do a "Print Screen" of the user's desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program, and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the 'snapshot' of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. (You'll have to hide the Windows status bar, and move all their desktop icons into a folder, which you can hide conspicuously in the corner or something.) The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click on it...sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit!


This will mostly only work with people with very little PC knowledge. Stick in a floppy in there floppy drive. They will be unable to boot up windows until the disk is out. This is fun to watch.

Try to find a very obnoxious CD laying around. Preferably a reggae or rap CD. Pop it in their CD ROM. Put up the sound full blast by double clicking on the volume control on the bottom right. On normal configurations the audio CD will autoplay when windows first starts up. The person starting up there PC in the morning will definitely be embarrassed.

This is for that special person you just cant stand in the office, the one who talks on the phone all day with their boyfriend/girlfriend and gets personal e-mail all day. Go into their e-mail and change their defaults to autmatically "blind carbon copy" their boss or supervisor. Heads will roll!

Change the coffee in the office coffe maker to decafe. Wait about three weeks(or untill you think everybody has gotten over their caffine addiction)and switch to expresso!

Try "password securing" someone's screen saver. First I suggest changing the screen saver to "scrolling marque" and inserting your own word or phrase, "Mr. Jones (president or supervisor) eats SHlT" or something to that effect.

My absolutely most favorite prank I have saved for last. It is so simple to do and yields such nice results. Simply pop out the 'm' and 'n' key on someone's keyboard and reverse the two. Any flat tool will work. Just pry it with little pressure and they will easily come right off. Then just sit back and watch the confusion.

With someone who is on the phone a lot during work - This works if you have phones that the handset comes apart. Take the handset apart and put scotch tape over the mouthpeice inside. They can still be heard, but they have to talk loud to be heard. The next day take it off, and put it in the earpeice. Usually they will be yelling to the other person on the line the next day, and won't be able to hear them. When they complain about the phone, and get a replacement, do it on the next phone. After about a week you will notice the calls to be down considerably.

Depending where you are at you may have a cafeteria in you place of work. Every week most of them put out a menu so you know what they are serving. Usually it is done on Word or Excel, and not extremely fancy. With a little work, matching fonts, and images you can make your own menus, and post them by your desk. We had one co-worker avoid the cafeteria for 2 weeks because of the selection "fish head stew" etc... before he caught on. Works great with picky eaters.

[EvLwMn]

Ah yes. Those are gems - I have seen them before (done some of them too )

Definitely worth posting though

[Tulatin]

Man, that was good... another amazing prank to pull is switching the . and , keys....

[Xojid]

Or swallowing the toilet duck. Take that Mr. Janitor person! *quack*

[Tilo]

LMAO!

So much random humor- Thanks for the good laughs Xojid

BTW- at my office they do the phone thing on people's bdays (put tape in the receiver)

[HamDemon]

Another gem is to do a "Print Screen" of the user's desktop, and then paste the image from the clipboard to a photo program, and save the image as a bitmap. Then, set the 'snapshot' of their desktop as the actual desktop wallpaper. (You'll have to hide the Windows status bar, and move all their desktop icons into a folder, which you can hide conspicuously in the corner or something.) The user will see their desktop as always, but everything on it will appear to be frozen when they try to click on it...sending them into a rebooting and virus scanning fit!

if theyre using 2k or XP, then go end explorer
( in 95/98, causes reboot )

kills desktop icons, start menu, taskbar, keeps wallpaper and programs that are running

also good to know if your fiddling with the registry, then you can just run explorer, and dont have to restart comp

[HamDemon]

i had forgotten about my favorite prank of all time, perhaps the funniest ive ever seen

im pretty sure you can only do this right in XP

first, go to start menu, and have it not show the "My Computer" icon on the desktop

next, make a shortcut to a text document, and name it My Computer

right click, go to properties, and change its icon to the My Computer icon

go back into properties, and find the area where you change its target

erase what is there and type this line
SHUTDOWN -s -t 01

put the text icon where they normally have their My Computer icon, and whenever they try to get into My Computer, their computer shuts down



to fix it, just delete the text document, and go back into start and have it show the My Computer icon again