EverQuest II article comments

[Peter]

....for comments about this article / topic

[Peter]

Hmmm...someone mentioned it would be
very hard to read...is that so? ...my English
is sure bad, but even with errors it seemed easy

honest opinions please

[EvLwMn]

Some of the sentences are a little difficult to understand. Here's example of what I mean:

I should first mention that I belive that a review should be handled the same way like a critique about a theatre premiere and I clearly say that now here so those used to a more advertising like review style don't confuse my writings with liking or not liking the game.

Maybe that sentence should be split into two sentences - it's pretty long - and should read something like this:

I should first mention that I belive that a review should be handled the same way as a critique about a theatre premiere. So those used to a more advertising like review style shouldn't confuse my writings with liking or not liking the game.

OR --

I should first mention that I belive that a review should be handled the same way as a critique about a theatre premiere and I clearly say here and now that those used to a more advertising like review style should not confuse my writings with liking or not liking the game.


This makes more sense in English. I didn't change much (see bolded words) - all I did in the first edit was break it into two sentences and clean it up so it isn't quite as wordy and so it's using proper English. In the second edit I simply changed a couple of words and move the order of a few others.

I think the content of the review is good. You touch on several areas of the game including setting up characters, the levels of the game, the experience of playing, the dangers of becoming addicted to it, etc.

There are a few sentences like the one above that have problems to the extent that they are difficult to understand what you are trying to say. There are other sentences that are missing words (articles such as "the" or other words like "an") from them for proper English syntax. However for a person for whom English is a second language I think you have done a pretty good job.

[Zooooot]

It's a good article, but I must avoid games like EQ.

The EverQuest 2 website contains a few movies for those who are interested. SOE uses here instead state of the art DivX or XviD HD downloads streamed Quicktime which will make them impossible to watch for many, but you can try.

the "quicktime" sentence was also a little choppy. Sometimes shorter phrases get the same message across without confusing the weak minded (like me).
It might have been easier to go for something like:

SOE uses streamed Quicktime for their videos instead of the more state of the art DivX or XviD HD downloads. This format may make them impossible to watch for many users. You can still try, though!

I think the American mind is slightly less disciplined in regards to needing to have the predicate of the sentence be close to the verb.

[Peter]

Ok, thanks for the feedback...I will rewrite those and a few
other parts...I wrote it a bit fast

[Peter]

Hmmm...still not really good but better imho.

It is really hard to get rid of chat shortcut language
once you got used to it...I bet there are still missing words....

Thanks

[Peter]

Nice...#1 for "Everquest II review" on Google and days after release
still 900 / day who read it...

Will get perhaps a third rewrite to cover more

[EvLwMn]

I'll try to have another look at it tonight after work since you did some rewrites. I'll let you know what I think then - trying to sneak it in at work doesn't go over well

[Peter]

Thanks, but I updated the mainboard part a lot and could not rewrite
the article yet (besides after 1 comment how horrible my Englisch
is the next few 1000 did not complain
...so no need to hurry... )

I will post when the is finished...guess in 2 hours because lots
of other stuff is in between...multitasking

[EvLwMn]

LOL!! OK - well let us know when we can have another look.

And I know ALL about that multitasking stuff!!

[Peter]

Hmmmm... ok, finished...at least for now...if it gets any longer
I will have to sell it as book anyway I guess

[EvLwMn]

LOL!! OK - I will have a look at it tonight after work and will let you know what I think

[Peter]

Thanks

[EvLwMn]

Sorry this took so long.

I have only skimmed through this draft and find it much easier to read. There are a few words still missing and some others misspelled as well as some syntax errors. But all in all it looks pretty good.

Here's one point I will bring your attention to:

The positive sideeffect of monthly payments is that if there is a bug sombody who's income you pay goes and tries to fix it, while in conventional gaming you report it 10 times to get 4 months later an update that does not even your bug.

Maybe the last part of the sentence could read:

The positive side-effect of monthly payments is that if there is a bug sombody who's income you pay goes and tries to fix it, while in conventional gaming you report it 10 times only to get an update 4 months later that does not even fix your bug.

That was the biggest thing I could find on a skim over. I must say - you did a fine job in your revisions - especially for a person for whom English is a second language. It is much easier to read now.

Great job Peter!!

[Peter]

Thanks...I will fix that

(actually the whole article is imho horrible ...I wrote it very
fast and somehow it is harder now to get my ingame shortcut
language out, then it had been to write a new article.
The really bad thing is...I got so used to my incorrect
use of the English language...what I would have considered
really bad style some years ago seems now just fine.
I got the information over to the reader...and many still
read it....that makes it kind of ok...but I won't write the
next article so fast again...grammar and long sentences
are one thing...but the article is epic boring...)